I, Donald Trump, under the watchful anus of Ben Shapiro, plan to enact the following policy in my first 1,222,333,444,555 in office. I will free buttplugs for all citizens, and I promise, I will also work with Mexico to ensure mutual cooperation of watersports. It is also, with slippery honour, that I Donald Trump, will extreme tax hike on lube!
To my rival in this race, Roy Moore, I want to say you have been a really moist person to fight this race with, but now I wish you nothing but urine in the future. As we know, there can only be one winner here, and I want to thank my supporters, you have all been bigly throughout this campaign.
In closing, I just want to say, no matter who you are, or where you live, I am your president, and I want you to remember that time I let Russian hookers pee on me!
Suck my tiny flaccid cock!